I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
