Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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