The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
