At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
