Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
