Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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