I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
