whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
These tits shall not be calmed
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
