So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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