I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
