i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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