I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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