Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
