And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
