If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
