Dual....:-)
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
