Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
