At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
