just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
