Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
