i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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