there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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