Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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