I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Shame is for Republicans.
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