So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
