My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
