The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
