And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he thought i was a dude.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
