I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
