i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
