nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
