yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
