Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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