I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
