Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
