Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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