RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
