well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
