And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
