WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
