I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
