Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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