my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
