yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
