bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
