my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
