i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
