rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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