Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
