After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
