I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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