john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
do nipples grow back?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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