i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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