She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
